At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You made out with two different species that night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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