So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
