Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
