Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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