was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
