I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
