Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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