I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize