Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
