So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
