He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
