This girl is more easily done than said...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
