Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
