I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
