I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She needs sedatives and a leash
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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