Pappa wants mamma naked
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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