if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
