he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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