i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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