sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
