Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
