I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
