brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
