She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
