I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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