I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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