Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
