Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
