Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think my moral compass just broke
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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