yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
