I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
