Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
