if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize