dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
