Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
