My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
