I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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