she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She even gives head with a lisp.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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