Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
