wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
