I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
