So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
