the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
