She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
