just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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