I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
