I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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