I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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