im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
