I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
