Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
