That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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