they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
