There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
