I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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