last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
