Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
