I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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