Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
