man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
