I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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