Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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