shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
