I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
