i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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